May 29, 2014 (TH)
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou
A lot can happen in a year. Just the other day, it popped into my mind to use this quote by Maya Angelou to begin this blog on recently turning 35 and discovered later that day that she had passed on to the next level of her journey…It humbled me and reminded me that we are all interconnected energetically.
In turning 35, I could physically feel a gentle nudge on my back signaling me to truly move forward with my life in all areas. It has been manifesting in the physical world with finishing up law school, beginning to think about the trajectory of my new career, the deepening and dissolving of old and new relationships, a newfound relationship with myself, etc.
This is the best I’ve felt in my entire life. I feel the most comfortable in my skin I’ve ever felt. I recently spoke with a dear friend who is 72 years old and she reaffirmed my belief that “it only gets better!”
Up until about two years ago, I had (a very prevalent) belief system that said I would only be happy if I had the (home, finances, boyfriend, job, etc.) – that I could not be happy until I had those “things.” The Universe in its divine wisdom showed me the truth by removing ALL of those things from my life and leaving me completely vulnerable and “naked.”
A year ago, I was no longer in law school, flailing about in romance seeking completion and wholeness in another, no job, getting kicked out of my apartment…I literally had nothing and lamented and questioned why this was all happening at once. Wasn’t God merciful or couldn’t my lessons come neatly one at a time? But it was the “perfect storm.” It was exactly the gift and blessing I needed to learn my lessons. And the Universe knew in testing me deeply that I could ultimately handle all of these challenges. It is true that God never gives us anything we cannot handle. God knew my strength – the question was whether I knew it and could see my light through the darkness.
A year later, here I am! I am finishing law school, I have found completion and wholeness within myself, beginning my career search from a completely new set of confident lenses believing in myself, and living in a home that is filled with love and kindness. I now stand taller and prouder than I have ever stood in my life.
Looking back, the journey had a divine purpose and everything was a blessing. Things have fallen into place, which isn’t to say that I don’t face new challenges on a daily basis. It’s just that life keeps pushing me to grow, learn, and flow…and I can do it more gracefully because of the mindfulness, consciousness, and “tools” I have in my pocket that I can whip out accordingly.
Life still triggers and tests me but now I view it as the Universe just “checking in” and making sure I have fully integrated my lessons into these experiences. As we grow and become stronger and more powerful, the challenges become bigger but only for our highest good.
During that time when everything was taken away from me for my highest learning, that was actually the time when I felt the happiest and the most peace because God was trying to show me that I could actually be happy with nothing – that the Source of happiness, peace, love, joy, and abundance did not come from material, worldly things (which are all impermanent) but rather from the divine that lives WITHIN each and every one of us.
Now, I can appreciate blessings that come into my life without having to tightly control, push, cling, or manipulate. As Papaji said, “What comes, let come. What stays, let stay. What goes, let go.” I’ve been hearing this message repeatedly lately…I recently discovered the work of Swami Satchidananda whom I’ve taken a natural liking to. He has a great talk on letting things go. He says if you want something, just turn around and let it come to you. Today, I received the same message from my Yogi Tea! Miracles and synchronicities such as these happen when I feel in alignment with my highest truth and need to receive certain messages.
In deepening the relationship with the divine source and myself, I’ve noticed a change in my prayers as well. I used to pray for certain outcomes, things, and people, which isn’t to say that it is wrong to desire these things because after all, we are human and live in the physical world. But my intentions were coming from a selfish, narrow place – more “lusty” than loving.
Although I still “desire” certain outcomes and things, I’ve learned to surrender the form and to be truly open to receiving what is for my highest good. I now pray for inner peace, mostly…love, joy, abundance…mostly inner peace…
For me, if I could only have one prayer in my entire lifetime, it would be inner peace. When I am in a state of inner peace, everything that I need comes naturally and I feel like I am floating on clouds…like everything is alright in the world and in that elevated state, optimal things and experiences naturally flow into my life…
With inner peace, I feel like I can do anything and conquer any struggles or obstacles with grace and aplomb. Isn’t that how our lives are SUPPOSED to be? That is the “miracle” – it’s not just the raise or promotion, the boyfriend, the home, job, etc. (although it’s ALL a part of the package plan)…A “good day” for me now is if I can get through the day without inner conflict, outer conflict, sadness, blame, criticism, attack thoughts, self-hatred, anxiety, depression, etc. and where my day can be calm, breathing deeply moment-to-moment, focusing on gratitude and what I do have in my life. Changing those old habits requires awareness and mindfulness and shifting that old energy into new, positive energy.
As I fully step into being 35 now, I embrace the journey more than the destination. The destination will always be there. It’s the journey that counts. Cheers to being 35! Whatever age you are today, you are whole, complete, holy, divine, and exactly where you need to be. Don’t resist or struggle. Surrender. Be at peace with the day and whatever the Universe has put on your plate for now. As Eckhart Tolle constantly emphasizes, “This, too, shall pass.” Enjoy the ride because life is a beautiful one at that…