May 29, 2014 (TH)

35

“Do the best you can until you know better.  Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou

A lot can happen in a year.  Just the other day, it popped into my mind to use this quote by Maya Angelou to begin this blog on recently turning 35 and discovered later that day that she had passed on to the next level of her journey…It humbled me and reminded me that we are all interconnected energetically.

In turning 35, I could physically feel a gentle nudge on my back signaling me to truly move forward with my life in all areas.  It has been manifesting in the physical world with finishing up law school, beginning to think about the trajectory of my new career, the deepening and dissolving of old and new relationships, a newfound relationship with myself, etc.

This is the best I’ve felt in my entire life.  I feel the most comfortable in my skin I’ve ever felt.  I recently spoke with a dear friend who is 72 years old and she reaffirmed my belief that “it only gets better!”

Up until about two years ago, I had (a very prevalent) belief system that said I would only be happy if I had the                                     (home, finances, boyfriend, job, etc.) – that I could not be happy until I had those “things.”  The Universe in its divine wisdom showed me the truth by removing ALL of those things from my life and leaving me completely vulnerable and “naked.”

A year ago, I was no longer in law school, flailing about in romance seeking completion and wholeness in another, no job, getting kicked out of my apartment…I literally had nothing and lamented and questioned why this was all happening at once.  Wasn’t God merciful or couldn’t my lessons come neatly one at a time? But it was the “perfect storm.”  It was exactly the gift and blessing I needed to learn my lessons.  And the Universe knew in testing me deeply that I could ultimately handle all of these challenges.  It is true that God never gives us anything we cannot handle.  God knew my strength – the question was whether I knew it and could see my light through the darkness.

A year later, here I am! I am finishing law school, I have found completion and wholeness within myself, beginning my career search from a completely new set of confident lenses believing in myself, and living in a home that is filled with love and kindness.  I now stand taller and prouder than I have ever stood in my life.

Looking back, the journey had a divine purpose and everything was a blessing.  Things have fallen into place, which isn’t to say that I don’t face new challenges on a daily basis.  It’s just that life keeps pushing me to grow, learn, and flow…and I can do it more gracefully because of the mindfulness, consciousness, and “tools” I have in my pocket that I can whip out accordingly.

Life still triggers and tests me but now I view it as the Universe just “checking in” and making sure I have fully integrated my lessons into these experiences.  As we grow and become stronger and more powerful, the challenges become bigger but only for our highest good.

During that time when everything was taken away from me for my highest learning, that was actually the time when I felt the happiest and the most peace because God was trying to show me that I could actually be happy with nothing – that the Source of happiness, peace, love, joy, and abundance did not come from material, worldly things (which are all impermanent) but rather from the divine that lives WITHIN each and every one of us.

Now, I can appreciate blessings that come into my life without having to tightly control, push, cling, or manipulate.  As Papaji said, “What comes, let come.  What stays, let stay.  What goes, let go.”  I’ve been hearing this message repeatedly lately…I recently discovered the work of Swami Satchidananda whom I’ve taken a natural liking to.  He has a great talk on letting things go.  He says if you want something, just turn around and let it come to you.  Today, I received the same message from my Yogi Tea! Miracles and synchronicities such as these happen when I feel in alignment with my highest truth and need to receive certain messages.

In deepening the relationship with the divine source and myself, I’ve noticed a change in my prayers as well.  I used to pray for certain outcomes, things, and people, which isn’t to say that it is wrong to desire these things because after all, we are human and live in the physical world.  But my intentions were coming from a selfish, narrow place – more “lusty” than loving.

Although I still “desire” certain outcomes and things, I’ve learned to surrender the form and to be truly open to receiving what is for my highest good.  I now pray for inner peace, mostly…love, joy, abundance…mostly inner peace…

For me, if I could only have one prayer in my entire lifetime, it would be inner peace.  When I am in a state of inner peace, everything that I need comes naturally and I feel like I am floating on clouds…like everything is alright in the world and in that elevated state, optimal things and experiences naturally flow into my life…

With inner peace, I feel like I can do anything and conquer any struggles or obstacles with grace and aplomb.  Isn’t that how our lives are SUPPOSED to be? That is the “miracle” – it’s not just the raise or promotion, the boyfriend, the home, job, etc. (although it’s ALL a part of the package plan)…A “good day” for me now is if I can get through the day without inner conflict, outer conflict, sadness, blame, criticism, attack thoughts, self-hatred, anxiety, depression, etc. and where my day can be calm, breathing deeply moment-to-moment, focusing on gratitude and what I do have in my life.  Changing those old habits requires awareness and mindfulness and shifting that old energy into new, positive energy.

As I fully step into being 35 now, I embrace the journey more than the destination.  The destination will always be there.  It’s the journey that counts.  Cheers to being 35! Whatever age you are today, you are whole, complete, holy, divine, and exactly where you need to be. Don’t resist or struggle.  Surrender.  Be at peace with the day and whatever the Universe has put on your plate for now.  As Eckhart Tolle constantly emphasizes, “This, too, shall pass.”  Enjoy the ride because life is a beautiful one at that…

Proudly 35,

Sunny

I AM

I Am
The Earth
My veins are like the Nile and Ganges
My blood is like the Atlantic and Pacific
My curves are like Everest and the Grand Canyon
My flesh is like the sands of beaches
My bones are the rocks and caves supported and strong
Like the flowers
I bloom when the time is right
No sooner
No later
My feet are like tree roots
Grounded deeply into the earth
My mind flows and flits like air
Unbounded by time or boundaries
Free flowing
Flying like hawks and eagles
I am the squirrel who goes searching for nuts and finds some/loses some
I am the lion with a brave heart when faced with a challenge
I am the puppy who loves and lives in the present moment the best I can
I am the kitten who needs and craves snuggling cuddling and contact
I am the fish who loves to travel and swim to new places and territories
I am the groundhog who retreats when scared
My heart and soul is the lighthouse
I am the earth
The earth lives in me
Of me
Through me

I Am,
Sunny

3/23/14 (Sunday)

ONE

We are all 1.  We are interconnected to everything that was, is, and is yet to come.  I recently have been enjoying watching my iPhone sync up to my MacBook automatically.  Even our electronics are synced up. It’s awe-inspiring when women, givers of life, who form a community sync up during their moon cycle.

I’ve been looking at nature differently, too.  I used to take nature and animals for granted.  They were just there – a part of the scenery, a din in the background.  Now, I view them in a sacred, divine light and understand how Mother Earth and the Universe reflect our divine selves and lives.  The powerful waves of the ocean reflect the ebbs and flows of our lives…The silence found during a hike reflects our true nature and essence…Animals remind us of the beauty and importance of living fully in the present moment…Trees reflect being grounded and being rooted…Flowers bloom when the time is right – no sooner, no later than it should and it reflects divine timing…

Everything is interconnected. I’m sure everyone has had the experience of thinking about someone and bam – a text, phone call, or e-mail comes in right at that moment of feeling that person’s energy. It’s kind of mind-blowing. It transcends the physical borders and boundaries we know mortally.

It is truly beautiful that we are all one…Despite all of our differences in shape, form, beliefs, opinions, and ethnicities…we all crave and desire the same things at the end of the day…We all desire to be truly loved for who we are…To be respected and heard…For freedom to be our most authentic selves…To live the lives we desire professionally, personally, and creatively…We all desire optimal health, vitality, good sleep, clean water, good food…We all desire to laugh so hard we have to hold our stomach as tears of joy and delight stream down our faces…To deeply hug someone we care for and cherish…To feel the sunlight on our faces and bodies…To have peace in our hearts knowing we are honest and good…To be successful and financially comfortable…

The root of compassion stems from this deep knowing, feeling, and understanding that when I look intently into the eyes of another, I see my soul reflected in their soul and their eyes…that I can feel the beat of their heart in sync with mine…we are connected.

One Love,

Sunny

3/19/14 (W)

YES!

I’ve been thinking about the word YES a lot lately.  In the past year, I’ve learned the importance of (and healthy ways) to say NO to things, people, and situations that were not serving my highest good.  I’m now beginning to transition from the mindset of NO to YES and it is starting to change my energy and perspective on life.  Here’s a quick list of things I’ve said NO to and now what I’m saying YES to.

NO TO:

  1. Toxic relationships (Big one!)
  2. Unhealthy foods
  3. Breaking promises with myself (It all starts within!)
  4. Believing/Indulging in my fear-based ego mind
  5. Negative self-talk
  6. Being stuck in the past and future-tripping
  7. Waiting for happiness based on external conditions
  8. Holding on to resentment/Lack of forgiveness
  9. Scarcity Mentality
  10. Staying stuck
  11. Relinquishing my power
  12. Judgment
  13. Control
  14. Shame/Guilt
  15. Passive/Aggressive/Manipulative Behavior

YES TO:

  1. Healthy, uplifting, positive relationships (Huge difference!)
  2. Healthy foods that nourish my mind/body/soul
  3. Keeping promises with myself
  4. Nurturing my inherently loving essence/light
  5. Positive self-talk
  6. Living fully in the present moment and knowing everything is going to be ok! :)
  7. Always being happy, no matter what the external conditions may be
  8. Real forgiveness! (Genuine forgiveness feels different in my body than pretend-forgiveness – There’s a genuine lightness and joy vs. Feeling dis-ease and dis-comfort)
  9. Abundance Mentality (There is more than enough to go around, baby!)
  10. Moving forward and Momentum/Progress/Growth/Learning
  11. Stepping into my power and using it/embracing it without guilt
  12. No Judgments, Baby!
  13. Surrender/Letting go (Way less stress!)
  14. Being open/free and admitting I am HUMAN!
  15. Honest, healthy, open communication and being more direct with kindness/grace

SAYING YES!

Sunny

3/19/14 (W)

HEALING

I recently had a pimple on my face.  I don’t think anyone enjoys getting a pimple…especially on his or her face. Usually when I get a pimple, I try not to think about it too much but every time I looked in the mirror, I felt like it was screaming at me to look at it, give it attention, touch it, wish it away…

After a week or so, I couldn’t help it.  I picked at it and tried ripping it off. It came off but started bleeding.  That just made me more annoyed and the pimple still wasn’t erased.  I waited again.  Maybe after another week or so, I did it again…and again…

It was the same cycle of trying to eradicate this mean pimple, only for it to get worse. Until finally - I surrendered.  I made a conscious decision to allow the pimple to “ripen” (I’m sorry if this post is grossing you out but sometimes, the truth can be nauseating). 

Moving on, I allowed the pimple to truly reach the point of becoming a scab and it fell off naturally.  Now, it’s truly starting to heal and fade into a distant memory.

Oddly enough, this pimple made me think about “healing” in general in life. Getting rid of a pimple is no different from healing a situation/circumstance/event in life.  I can relate it to my own life when I think about how I tried to force myself prematurely to heal certain situations by pretend-forgiving and deluding myself into thinking I was so over it when subconsciously, I was really not ready to forgive, genuinely let it go and move on.

I didn’t realize I needed to organically give the situation the time and attention necessary to allow real healing to occur.  No wonder when a similar situation would arise again, my reaction would be twice as harsh, which was not cool at all.  It would leave me feeling worse.

So, I’ve learned from a pimple that healing requires time, loving-kindness, forgiveness, and being gentle with ourselves throughout the entire process – no rushing, no covering it up (with a Band-Aid or concealer) because that stuff will resurface for sure with double the vengeance, and no forcing it because the authentic truth always comes up.

I’ve learned that it’s ok to be angry, depressed, whatever the emotion is in the moment but also know that in the right time, whenever that may be, to let it go and during the process of healing, to do what feels right to self-care (not self-medicate). 

For me, when I’m “healing” something, I can feel it in my body.  It usually starts with discomfort because I’m facing tough emotions but as my mind-body-spirit heals, I can feel the transition from one of pain/discomfort to release of tension, ease, and finally letting go so that I feel lighter again. 

Whether I’m healing because I need to forgive myself or someone else, or because something painful happened or an outcome I desired didn’t happen, or when stuff hits the fan and I have multiple challenges/obstacles on my plate, or when a curveball comes my way, or quite literally, when I’ve hit the gym hard and I’m in physical pain, I have my go-to tools to guide me and help me get back to center and wholeness.

I take long naps (love, love, love!), meditate and take long deep breaths whether it’s on the mat, at my desk, or even in class or on the train, read inspiring books, hang out with uplifting, positive friends, savor my hot cup of tea, journal, retreat into solitude and take a long walk through the local park with my headphones on to my favorite tunes, eat what my body craves, watch funny shows/movies and laugh my butt off, have an enlightening talk with a life coach, listen to motivational speakers…

So, when you are healing, rather than self-medicate with substances like alcohol, make self-care a priority.  Rather than trying to repress, suppress, and rush the process, give it the time to air out naturally so it can be let go for good.  Do what feels right in your heart and soul and listen to your intuition in silence. 

May we all heal what we need to let go and live love in light!

In Healing,

Sunny

The Light @ The End Of The Storm

The rain passes by…
The sun was always there…
It peeks out through the clouds…
Ah! There it always was!
I peep a smile.
I am bemused.
Hope. Faith. Trust.
Shine through.
Radiate. Radiant.
Light. Fly.
Peace out,
Sunny.

January 8, 2014 (Wednesday)

Live.

“I can.  I will.  End of story.” – Unknown

What does it mean to truly live for you? What is guiding the direction and path of your life? It’s a new year – about a week in.  Does it feel different? The same? Any changes? Are you living the learned lessons of 2013 today?

The New Year for me strongly feels like a year of execution and implementation – turning thoughts and ideas into reality.  I’ve mentioned this before but Jack Dorsey said the motto for Square is, “Show.  Don’t tell.”  I’ve decided to make it my life motto and plan on using it generously this year.  I keep asking myself – How am I walking my talk? I have a deep desire to turn my desires into reality.  No more distractions.  No more excuses.  No more blame game.  It’s time.

2013 was a year of learning my lessons.  I learned them very well.  I think I passed that life class because I find myself living the lessons this year.  It’s really settling in.  I like having moved into my “new home.” “The move” was a long and arduous journey at times but I’m here and so happy to be “unpacking” all the baggage to create a new, beautiful home. 

Tyler Perry just posted on Facebook regarding life, change, and being uncomfortable to get to the next level.  I used to resist change.  Hard.  It led to a lot of suffering because I was fighting the inevitable and trying to control things I had no control over.  Now, when change occurs, I meditate on it, receive, allow, surrender, and don’t resist.  I now trust it’s the Universe taking me to the next level because it has something bigger and better for me.  It always does based on past experiences.  What I thought was awful and uncomfortable at the time always turned out to be for my highest good.

During the past few months, the inner changes I’ve been experiencing deal with replacing the old thinking and beliefs that I always needed to do something major or extreme to feel worthy, important, and accomplished.  I’ve realized that I don’t need to climb Mt. Everest every time, so to speak.  Once in awhile doesn’t hurt but not always.  I’ve switched gears to focusing my life habits and practices on the micro, like how am I showing up for myself everyday? The world? My friends? My work? Etc.

It’s the little things that add up into mountains ultimately.  I’ve brought it back to basics.  Eat healthy.  Sleep well.  Exercise as often as possible.  Smile.  Love.  Laugh.  Surround myself with good, positive, healthy, uplifting people and circumstances.  Get around nature as much as possible.  Live in gratitude.   Stay positive.  Let go.  Keep moving forward.  Treat others the way I’d like to be treated.  Forgive.

I’ve learned that when I can do the basics to the best of my ability moment-to-moment, day-to-day, it starts inevitably bleeding into other areas of my life.  I show up better for work.  I’m less cranky and angry.  I am more open so I welcome high quality people into my life.  I was able to let go of drinking, which was one of the hardest things to let go for many years.  I no longer seek external validation excessively to feel like I’m ok. 

Everyday can be a new year.  Everyday can be filled with miracles.  I used to think miracles were these huge moments or that I needed to wait till December 31st for a new year.  I now know that enjoying a hot cup of delicious tea is a miracle.  Being able to drink clean water to my heart’s desire is a miracle whereas it’s a luxury for many people around the world.  Being able to reach out to people I love and to even have people I love and who love me in my life is a miracle.  Being able to be there and be present for myself every single day is a miracle.  Never having to worry about my daily bread is a miracle.  Being able to open my eyes everyday and close them every night safely is a miracle.  Being able to write this blog, Divinely Made, is a miracle where I get to speak my truth and share it with the world.  Having freedom of expression is a miracle where my voice is heard and respected.  Being able to use my body everyday for what I need is a miracle.  This is how I want to live everyday of my life, with as much awareness as I can possibly bring daily.

I needed to hit rock bottom last year to get to this place of gratitude and mindfulness.  Without darkness, how would I know light? Without anger and hatred, how would I know forgiveness and love? Without tough economic times, how would I know prosperity and abundance? Without self-loathing, how would I know self-acceptance and self-love? Without self-destruction, how would I know self-discovery and inner strength? Resiliency?

That is the beauty of life.  We keep discovering ourselves everyday.  We surprise ourselves at times when we didn’t even realize we had that much love, hatred, anger, forgiveness, compassion, etc. residing within ourselves.  We keep growing, learning, taking 2 steps back, 3 steps forward, falling, standing up, destroying, rebuilding.  We are no different from civilizations and nations.  We have an inner government, “political parties” living in our minds that debate and argue over what’s in our best interest.  Sometimes, we attack the wrong “nation” and have to make amends.  Sometimes, we neglect our own “people” and need to redirect our attention and “funds.”  Sometimes, we have to replace the leadership from a toxic leader to a positive leader of growth and change.  Sometimes, we have to declare war and clear out the space for new things and people in our lives.

There is a Buddhist tenet that life is suffering.  Life is hard.  No doubt about it, no matter who you are, what your economic status is, no matter what.  As a society, I think we really admire the people who are able to take this challenging life and make something beautiful, meaningful, and purposeful out of it, like the farmers who reap and sow juicy, delicious, fresh fruit and vegetables.  People who can take pain and transform it into purpose…People who can inspire others through their story of going from underdog to top dog. People who overcame things we can’t even fathom.

Despite life’s difficulties, I think…Now, I know I am in it for the long haul, no matter what comes my way.  Our inner strength and willpower come from a Divine Source we cannot explain.  It’s majestic how we can’t explain life’s mysteries.  It adds a dimension of awe that transcends our mortal human understanding.

So ultimately, I think 2014 will be a year of living moment-to-moment, day-to-day, brick by brick, seed to seed, one salad, one step on that treadmill, one deeply intimate night with a friend, one blog post, one book, one soul mate, one smile, one love at a time…

As Lao Tzu said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” May we all take life one-step at a time and rejoice in the present moment.

Living For Today,

Sunny

 

12/23/13 (Monday)

Top 10 Things I Love About SF

1. Golden Gate Bridge/Bay Bridge
2. Golden Gate Park
3. SOMA/Embarcadero
4. Hayes Valley
5. Samovar Tea Lounge
6. The Four Seasons/Sports Club LA
7. JFK Law School
8. Entrepreneurship/Innovation
9. Individualism
10. Open-mindedness

12/22/13 (Sunday)

THE HOLIDAY

'Tis the season
To pause for a reason
And smile at yourself
Smile at the stranger
Smile at the world

Once a year
We hold this time dear
Trees dolled up in full gear
Do you hear those sleigh bells go?
Ho ho ho!

A time for love
A time for gatherings
Gather round the fireplace
Go ahead!
Have a taste!

Can you feel the festivity in the air?
Where?
In our family home
In our friend’s home
In our laughter
In our smiles
In our hugs
And can’t forget!
Our kisses under the mistletoe!
XOXO!

May we share these special holiday moments
And forget all our torments
Happy Holiday!
Happy New Year!

12/21/13 (Saturday)

NEW BEGINNINGS

Goodbye Past
Welcome Present
Hello Future

Unpacking and forgiving the past
Releasing all unnecessary baggage
Opening the windows
Replacing the curtains
Letting the sunshine in

Living in the present moment
Gazing straight ahead
Relaxed in gratitude
Moment to moment
Day to day

Excitement for the future
Allowing surprises
Stretching with possibility and flexibility

Adios 2013!
Hola 2014!